Making Sweet Love, Naughty or Nice

From a particularly early age many people were taught to be considerate of others. This might remind you about having to politely thank your Great Aunt for the appalling pink and orange-striped sweater she knit for you. If so , we encourage you to re-think thoughtfulness. It is not something you've got to do. Instead, it's something you can select and may help your love relationship be more intimate, close and passionate.

Being considerate probably doesn't sound really intimate to you. It tends to be all about opening doors for folk, remembering a pal's birthday, or shoveling snow from a neighbor's driveway.

We believe that when you elect to be considerate, you are making a choice to focus your love and attention on the other person. When you trowel the neighbor's driveway and feel chuffed to do it-not obligated or guilted into doing it-the warm feelings between you and your neighbor are likely going to grow. The considerate act not only benefits the neighbor very literally, it benefits you because it feels good to help some other person when your action is coming from the heart.

The same goes with your love relationship. Too often, we give adore and care to everyone else BUT our partner. It is too straightforward to take for granted that your partner will be there regardless of how you treat him. It also feels good!


Tip one : considerate Acts

As we alluded to above, the kindness is pretty much lost if you are feeling like you must do whatever it is. If you would like to be more considerate towards your buddy but those shoulds are still there, try concentrating on gratitude. You can even make a catalogue of everything you are thankful for in your relationship. It probably won't take long for those shoulds to melt and then you can select what you'd like to do.

Be aware of what your love likes and is touched by. Use those clues for ideas. One man regularly treats his love with a warm, clean towel fresh from the dryer as she out of the shower. An act like this can even turn from considerate to sensual!

Sometimes the ways we think about our partner, our self and our relationship do not serve anyone concerned. Do you tend to expect the worst from your chum ( and/or yourself ) ? Do you view your other half ( and/or yourself ) with a critical eye on the lookout for what you'd like to improve? Many people fall into these habits. Believe it or not, even if you do not say a thing, a negative thought can be felt.

If you notice the majority of your thoughts just don't serve you, your better half or your relationship, it's not too late to make a shift. We all have grouchy days when even the sun shining and flowers blooming are aggravating. When moments and thoughts like this arise, acknowledge them and then see what else you can notice. Maybe your partner's table manners drive you nuts but the incontrovertible fact that he or she cooked a tasty wonderful meal for the two of you causes you to feel good and appreciative. You can opt to give more energy to what you appreciate.

If having a more intimate and obsessed relationship sounds appealing to you, try opening up to more thoughtfulness. Increase your considerate acts and thoughts for a week and see how you're feeling. You partner may even catch on to the experiment and join you!